The power of self-talk

I never knew that so much was already talked and written about 'self-talk' till I stumbled upon this topic today, while I was actually reading an interesting article on 'how to develop good habits'. Though the article on good habits was highly informative, my entire focus shifted to 'self-talk', the reason being, I could relate to it in an instant.

This is how it goes. While I was thinking about my next music class, I found telling myself "I did not practice well, did not memorize my notes and hence, like the last time, I am not going to do any better in the coming class too. Even if I get time to practice, it is not going to help.". If you have observed the statement keenly, this one sentence is filled with so much negativity that no matter how well I practice, I will not be able to do well in the next class. The reason being, I have already prepared myself to fail in the next class. What I am doing to myself ? I joined the classes with such high levels of enthusiasm and now I am demotivating myself to such an extent, that no Guruji can help me sing well. I am being my biggest enemy. At this point of time, I might be sounding exaggerative. But don't you agree with me ?

These are few other examples of such similar statements:

"I can never learn this"
"I just hate the way I look, I am so fat""this course is so difficult, I just know that I can't pass it"
"the way I spoke in the last night party was so stupid"
"I know that my friends think am a dumbo"
"my children don't love me, they don't enjoy my company"
"everyone else in my team is smarter than me, I don't stand any chance for that promotion"
"oh no! I don't want to meet this lady every morning, I know that she hates me but gives a fake smile"

If you observe carefully, we fill our minds with many more such negative statements every day, during almost every chore and activity. Not that we do not talk any thing positive at all, but the 'negative component' needs our utmost attention, since it holds the potential to destroy us. It is this voice inside your head that shapes you into who you are and how you are. This voice is loud enough to have a strong impact on your mind. It can mold your personality. Ultimately, you become, what you think you are. It is this voice that can 'make' or 'break' you.

Friends, these are the few ideas that I could think of, on how to handle the negative self-talk.

• I am sure that most of us are not even conscious of this constant on-going self-talk. More often than not, we tend to focus more on what others talk than 'self-talk'. So the first step would be to start observing the 'self-talk', without trying to alter it right away. Just observe for a day or two, keenly, consciously, making a mental note of how much of it is positive and how much of it is negative.
• Now that you are aware of your self-talk, identify the positives and negatives. Make yourself aware of what kind of talk is damaging you, discouraging you, lowering your confidence or chastising you more than necessary. And what statements are actually encouraging you and motivating you.
• Work towards changing the negative and damaging self-talk into less negative and eventually into positive.  
• Give yourself enough time for the transformation, remember, Rome was not built in day. Work on it every day. 
• Give a pat to yourself whenever you have a done a good job. Say "well done" or "good job" to yourself when ever you deserve
• Be kind to yourself, it is perfectly OK. Consciously stop using words like "idiot", "stupid" etc while referring to self
• Smile more often to yourself, when ever you see or do anything that has pleased you. Eventually, develop the habit of smiling more often
• Lastly, keep up the process of observing your self-talk, changing negative to positive, adding more positives, smiling and being kind to yourself, till it becomes a well-ingrained habit

I can personally feel and experience the power of self-talk - it can put off the unwanted stress and make your life easier and happier; it is indeed,the key to self-awareness and self-upliftment.

My first humble attempt at writing a motivational post, hope you liked it - let's start telling nicer things to ourselves :)